The sixth day of looking back and reviewing my life's twist and turns.
For a couple of days now, I have been contemplating on my life. I think I have gone as far as 10 years back to this one very important life-changing event in my life.
Back when I was in high school, I have always been known to be very outgoing, care-free and, at times, rowdy. I was also considered a bully back then, but I didn't really treat myself as one. I was just hot-headed and very temperamental. Adventurous was what you would consider me to be have we met back in those days. This kind of attitude towards life was how I went about my high school life, which persisted through college. It was fun. I viewed my old self as a cool person.
Fraternities (your so-called secret brotherhood) and vices were two of the things I regret to have engaged back in those days. As cool as I thought I was, these two things nearly ruined my life. Why so? The fraternity almost had me imprisoned and killed. The brotherhood made a lot of enemies for me that I didn't even know personally. Drugs (specifically marijuana), alcohol and cigarettes were just a few of the indulgences I abused back then. Had I not stopped using marijuana, I would probably be a junkie by now. Unfortunately, I considered all these as part of having a good time. My curiosity simply led me to all of these life-distorting entities.
For more than a month, when all our female school mates were turning 18, we would simply swig and gorge all the alcohol and junk food we can consume. We did this almost every day until we drop. It wasn't nice to wake up in somebody else home... or wake in the morning not remembering how you got home... or who changed your clothes before you went to bed. Moreover, some of us went a little further to explore. Being young also entailed the rage of hormones inside us. We learned to test our sexuality. Whew! But even if these things happened to us, we all laughed at it and felt awesome. We were young.
The curiosity peaked when my best friend and I had to try marijuana. We were with different crowds when we tried it, since we both did not want to be a bad influence to each other. But nonetheless, we became bad influences to ourselves. The unfortunate thing about this is that we mixed with the wrong people and crowd. Something our parents never even imagined nor prayed for us.
One thing we failed to recognize among ourselves during those days was that we all had our problems, which we immaturely faced. Some call the things we do as escape-goating as termed in psychology. We were deviants from the norm, but we felt cool. I had my issues that I thought I could be address by forgetting, which was aided by the alcohol and drugs. But it didn’t really help me. My ways and vices even distorted my view of love and relationships back then. And yet I wondered why most my relationships only lasted for months. It figures.
At the peak of substance abuse and wanton disregard for the true meaning of life and love, we were simply lost. We were selfish. I was more than selfish- I was trapped in me.
May 15, 2001 was the faithful day when all my foolishness and stupidity culminated. It was the feast day St. Isidore Labrador. He was the patron saint of our town. In provinces in the Philippines, feast days were a big deal. Being a nation compromised mostly of Catholics, it became a grandiose annual event. There will be singing contests, beauty pageants, mardi gras’, and the like.
On that day, there were simply a lot of people in the main thoroughfare of our town. It was a bit irritating, since I was still drunk. I came from a gimmick with my friends the night before the feast day of our town. I was so wasted that when I came home at about 7 o’clock in the morning- I did not even realize it was our patron saint's feast day. I abhorred the fact that my mom had to wake me up to buy something for her in the wet market when both my brothers were already awake. Unfortunate me, my second brother had his former girlfriend visit us at home that day. And my other brother was also busying himself with something. So like any trying-to-be good son would do, I fulfilled my mom’s errand. I bought the pack of Tang juice concentrate she asked for.
Mind you I went to the wet market straight from bed. At that time, I had that after waking look effect on me. I think I might have scared of a couple of people with my hairdo, which had no direction.
Coming back from the wet market was one of the most momentous days of my life. I came in the front door of our house, which is not usually open. Most of the time, we would take the back door when we come home. But that day was different; I went through the front door since I knew everyone was home. Plus, it was open.
I saw a stranger sitting by our couch. It was someone I did not know. My parents let the man in, since they thought he was a friend of mine. I politely greeted him, since I thought that he was my parent’s visitor. Little did I know that it was the start of my ordeal, a life-changing one.
The man gently stood up and asked me if he can talk to me. Being bewildered, I told that he can. He asked me if I can accompany him outside, so I followed. Right after we went out the gate, it all became a blur. There were men with guns who suddenly like leeches accompanied me. They were like body guards, but I never felt like a celebrity when they walked with me.
Suddenly, the man I first spoke with me radioed somebody using their walkie-talkie. At that point, my memory came flooding in. I recall my mom talking to me earlier that day. She told me that my best friend-Ryan called about a murder that happened in the vicinity of the university where I studied. One of the suspects name was Mark, unfortunately my name was spelled almost the same except mine ended with a “T”. It didn’t really matter.
If you have seen my face in any ABS-CBN news report in 2001 while a different name was being flashed, then you probably recognize me by now. I was nabbed by the National Bureau of Investigation (which is like the Federal Bureau of Investigation counter-part here in the Philippines) that day for suspicion of murder. Whoever was killed certainly had connections? To have the NBI pick me up was indeed a shock. They even hacked my dad with an M-16 Baby Armalite and a MP5 rifle when they tried to talk their way through the situation with the authorities. My dad tried to take me back, since the authorities had no arrest warrant. The only warrant they showed him was their badge. Poor me, I went with them without knowing what was going on. My senses only awakened when they hurt my dad. I sensed more than danger that day. I felt it was going to be my death.
I knew I was care-free, substance abusing, testosterone pumped and horny adolescent. I also acknowledge the fact that I was considered to be a bully. I was selfish and problematic. But never had I foreseen any of this to happen to me. I have had fights as a kid. One or two. I admit. But I had no records of any kind with the police, and then suddenly this came. Wow! It was like skipping all the other bad things that a person can do before becoming a killer.
They brought me to a secured place and beat me to a pulp. I have gone through several initiation rites, because of my fraternity and since I was an aspiring cadet of the Philippine Military Academy earlier in my life. But I have never experienced this kind of beating. It was as if I was being lynched. I had no way to protect myself, since my hands were bound with a plastic bracelet that served as my cuffs. I was literally a human punching bag. The NBI’s agents did it for a good 3 to 4 hours that continued later that day.
Through this trial, I don’t know why I did not lose consciousness. I can’t stand properly anymore. My body was already bruised. I was beaten. But I was still awake. Even nature’s call became a pain. They had to accompany me in fear that I might run. Who can run in such a condition? So I thought. They even brought me to the crime scene trying to make me confess to something I did not do. Now I realize why I did not lose consciousness and hope, I was praying the Rosary in my mind. I have the whole prayer memorized by virtue of my Dad’s discipline. It was my invincible armor. As they were torturing me, which was accompanied by the good and bad cop routine, I only thought of my life that was flashing right before my eyes. I really did believe I was going to die. I even expected that I will be electrocuted. While they were trying to make me confess, they were feeding me with bits and pieces of information about the crime. Only now do I realize, they were doing something unlawful. This ordeal went on and off for 13 hours, until I was released to the custody of my parents at around midnight at the NBI headquarters in Taft Avenue in Manila.
It was a crazy day. It was the first time I saw my Dad shed tears. My heart was crushed when I saw my Mom walk towards me- to hug me. I never felt the pain through the ordeal as much as when I saw my Mom cry. When I was released, I can still recall my Mom, Dad, my then girlfriend-My, Uncle Jun, Aunt Daisy and Aunt Myrna silently hugging me one after the other. They even fed me two burgers from Burger King. Those were the best burgers I ever chomped on my entire life. That day was also the first time I went through being processed like a criminal. What was worse is... They took my mug shots. I was being treated more than just a suspect. It was as if I did the senseless act of taking somebody else’s life. In my mind, the agents became like Judge Dredd. They were both judge and executioner, so much for our justice system.
The real perpetrators of the crime were fraternity brothers of mine. There were 3 of them. One of them had almost the same name as I, who was being protected by one of his uncles serving as a general in the Philippine National Police. The other was the nephew of an influential congressman of one of the districts of Manila. The other suspect was a former friend of mine, schoolmate and nephew of our former town mayor. They were all born from influential and rich families. But why did the authorities have to nab me? I am just a poor boy from the south. I asked God fervently. I guess I had it coming.
I can still remember to this date, when one of the agents instructed my Dad as I was about to be released that I can’t go out of the country.
The events of that day changed my life. It made me take life more seriously. It convinced me to count my blessings more. The ordeal allowed me to graduate with a bachelor’s degree from one of the most reputable universities in the Philippines. Lastly, it gave way to a better relationship with my parents and God. To date, I have never gone out of the country. I have criminal no record. Thanks to one of the perpetrators, who had a similar name as mine and who confessed and turned state witness. But most of all, thanks be to God!
With all these facts brought to light, do you think life is fair? If I were God and if He were to consider all the foolish and sinful things I did, do you think I deserve being saved? I am no one to precede what God has in store for each and every one of us. I am simply trying to point out that nothing is fair if you view life based only in your perspective. Because this life based on human standards is not fair. Count your blessings more. Maybe you will realize there is a God who knows what is fair?
You decide.
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