Standing up and searching from within

Standing up from this slump I am stuck in is indeed proving to be very difficult. There are days when I wake up still thinking of her. Days pass when I feel nothing but intense hatred for her. A pool of mix emotions surface in random in each day that pass. But what makes me feel even worse, I still unintentionally wait for text messages from her. This makes me feel really sorry for myself.

I have been through several heart breaks, but what I had with Arianne one leaves a lasting impression. I have always believed that the people we fall in and out of love with leaves a mark in our hearts that will be there for a lifetime. She definitely left the biggest mark in my heart by far. How do I know? I still miss her. I love her still despite all the lies she threw my way. I can't explain why, but it just is. I guess Paulo Coelho is right, when he said, "One is loved because one is loved. There are no exact reasons to loving."

Thus, I write my thoughts and feelings in this blog to help ease my pain. The words I use are never meant to attack her, because I still love her. I guess part of me is still hoping to be with her.

SO, I HAVE DECIDED to take a 40-day pause from my normal routine to search within myself. This blog will be my very witness. Remember Jesus was tempted for 40 days by the Devil in the desert where He sought refuge for some time. I just wish to turn my life around by starting with the man I see in front of my mirror.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Yesterday, I had a good idea rouse my mind. It made me start blogging instead of brooding on the fact that I was left by my girlfriend. I told myself yesterday, after 16 days of surviving a break up, that I have to learn to embrace the truth and reality. And finally, move on. I had to learn to forgive her and myself. I really need to move on. Thus, I will continue to write and finish my project until the wound inside my heart that causes me pain finally heals. This blog I started is not about hate. It is about the realities I went through and how I coped with them. Today, I will journey on my own to rediscover what I love doing- all the things I am passionate about. I will reinvent myself. Her legacy in me will never be a failure. Regardless if we ever meet again in this life or the next, I will make those who loves and loved me proud. I guess tomorrow will be another day, but I stand tall knowing that I am learning to move on. I love her still that will always be a fact, but I am now learning to love myself more.