Standing up and searching from within

Standing up from this slump I am stuck in is indeed proving to be very difficult. There are days when I wake up still thinking of her. Days pass when I feel nothing but intense hatred for her. A pool of mix emotions surface in random in each day that pass. But what makes me feel even worse, I still unintentionally wait for text messages from her. This makes me feel really sorry for myself.

I have been through several heart breaks, but what I had with Arianne one leaves a lasting impression. I have always believed that the people we fall in and out of love with leaves a mark in our hearts that will be there for a lifetime. She definitely left the biggest mark in my heart by far. How do I know? I still miss her. I love her still despite all the lies she threw my way. I can't explain why, but it just is. I guess Paulo Coelho is right, when he said, "One is loved because one is loved. There are no exact reasons to loving."

Thus, I write my thoughts and feelings in this blog to help ease my pain. The words I use are never meant to attack her, because I still love her. I guess part of me is still hoping to be with her.

SO, I HAVE DECIDED to take a 40-day pause from my normal routine to search within myself. This blog will be my very witness. Remember Jesus was tempted for 40 days by the Devil in the desert where He sought refuge for some time. I just wish to turn my life around by starting with the man I see in front of my mirror.