June 30. 25 days of examining my life is both rewarding and a pain. I am doing better now, but she still remains in my stubborn heart. I am thinking of ways to make up for my mistakes.
I have seen my ex-girlfriend’s kindness in the days when love had us in her cradle. I loved how she gave to the poor. My heart was warmed when she always told me of things she wanted to do for the poor. I also loved the way she valued her family and friends. How she defended them was inspiring. Her gentleness and kindness lingers in my heart and mind. All these things drew her closer to me on those days when love was ours to wield. Unfortunately, there were signs I ignored in the process of our love.
The signs ignored
There were days when I asked her if she loves me but would not answer. She always found a way to throw a question back instead of answering with a simple and sweet yes. She asked me often, “What do you think?” This was the first sign I ignored. After every fight, it never ceased to amaze me how she almost always is willing to let go of me. It was as if everything we shared meant no value to her. She always said that she would just forget me. I guess she had so many baggage and unfinished business left unresolved. That’s why? It was burden enough for me to have pursued her knowing that she wasn’t fully over from her 6 year relationship, but her deception made it harder to distinguish what was true in our relationship. Another sign I ignored.
I never lied to my ex-girlfriend about my marital status. From the get go, when we first sat down to chat and eat lunch, I shared with her the stories about my failed marriage. But she just had to lie to her parents and family about my marital status, she said that she was just trying to protect my image knowing that she might be pulled away from me if her family knew about it. But if love meant defending the people you value most, she just did the opposite by lying to her family about me. A sign ignored again.
Facebook, now-a-days, can I either be a blessing or a curse. When we were still connected in facebook as friends, I have always been proud of her being my girlfriend. I have told her how much I love her through private messages and posts in FB, but I am shocked how easy it was for her to delete me when I posted our pictures. She told me that she didn’t want her friend to see her with someone else. My ex-girlfriend reiterated that I understood the situation that her best friend in Australia might get mad if she learns that she hasn’t informed her about me. Now the way I see it, it wasn’t just that she was keeping me from her best friend but there was another flame waiting for her in Australia. Another sign ignored shall we say.
When your girlfriend starts calling you names and curses you without restraint or holding back, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. When your lover calls you worthless and ugly, without really looking your true value and worth, love between the both of you should be questioned. How are we to know a person’s true beauty? When most the world is too absorbed at looking at the physical attributes of a person. One of the signs ignored.
Text messaging has made communication easier for most couple now-a-days, but when your lover doesn’t even send you a simple message when you are already worrying about him or her. Start to question. My ex-girlfriend did just that. There were days when I am worried and always told her how communication is very important to me, but still she would go on days when we are apart that she would not text me- not even a simple hello. It simply makes you wonder and worry all the more. This is a sign you should never ignore. Remember communication is a key ingredient in all relationships no matter how private a person your lover is.
But the worst sign to ignore of all is when your partner calls you “son of a bitch” and wishes for your death. When your roads lead to this end, perhaps you should gently part ways with your lover. This relationship you have simply is not healthy. This was the last sign I ignored. My love or perhaps obsession blinded me.
But no matter how we regret and reminisce the moments we have shared with a love one, the truth remains that we hold the key towards the success or failure of our relationships. We hold the key to our emancipation from the realities that oppress us. In the end like all the other post I have written so far, I say once again, “Love is our decision.” WE DECIDE.
