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Dear Reader,

This blog came to life out of my frustration for a love I gained and lost. It reflects the things I have gone through so far. The emotions I felt are also expressed in words here, be it good or bad. It also aims to give sense to all the things that has transpired in my life for the past few months.

I hope no one will be offended by some of the situations I describe in my post. In line with this, I do not aim to character assassinate anyone I describe on any of my post. I simply try my best to present what I see and feel.

Enjoy reading.

Sincerely,

Mart

Love: We should condemn this man's acts.

Love: We should condemn this man's acts.: "I am deeply bothered by the acts of this man- Anders Behring Breivik. Gone are the days of the crusades when killing an infidel is just and..."

We should condemn this man's acts.


I am deeply bothered by the acts of this man- Anders Behring Breivik. Gone are the days of the crusades when killing an infidel is just and holy. In his case, he killed 93 innocent people. Regardless of their religion and beliefs, they should have been left in peace. Breivik should have considered that a life lived in peace is a much noble life and a life worth living. I am catholic, but I condemn the act of this man. If we have time, please let us all mourn and pray for the victims of this atrocious act. 

Please read through the Yahoo article.
http://news.yahoo.com/norway-s​uspect-deems-killings-atrociou​s-needed-013354792.html

Love: My Life Begins Today

Love: My Life Begins Today: "It’s over. The search within has reached the end of the road. For today my life heads on to a new direction. If it be a road less travelled,..."

My Life Begins Today

It’s over. The search within has reached the end of the road. For today my life heads on to a new direction. If it be a road less travelled, no one knows for sure.  The need to move on and stand up is in my midst. I just needed to pick myself up. Unfortunately, in any break-ups there are no winners- just losers. Like I once said, we are all victims of our lies, indecision, fickle-mindedness... But I move on still.

When the doors in our life shut, we fail to see that it is an opportunity to keep silent and heal our selves. Because in the middle of such melancholic solitude, we may start to recognize that there are windows of opportunities opening before our eyes. We just are too blinded to see them that is why we don’t recognize.

In our selfishness, we get devoured by our anger. Making us, unnecessarily agitated by our wanting to retaliate that brings no peace within. I wouldn’t want to change the things that have happened for the past 4 months. They were meant to transpire for a reason. I learnt a lot of things in the process. It has shown the type of person my ex-girlfriend is. I discovered that I can be very furious when agitated. A side I haven’t really seen much, which I don’t want to further discover. I also saw how my usually care-free, calm self be so consumed by anger. These are things I am now trying better to control.

We all wish we can weather all the storms that pass our lives, but are we really asking for the right thing by just wishing for our trials to pass. Maybe we fail to ask God to teach us to dance in the rain? So we can still smile in the midst of our trials. My ex-girlfriend and I failed to learn to dance in the rain. We were reduced to being enemies in the end. A sad ending only time can mend.

In this blog, I have spoken about love, pain, sorrow, suffering and so on, but I haven’t really focused much on forgiveness. So now I take this chance to say, “I am sorry!” I know she will not accept it. I have prayed for her for the past days. I have asked God for forgiveness, but only life’s lessons I believe will teach my ex-girlfriend to forgive. Thus, I apologize to all women who may have been hurt by other men in the process of their relationships. Hate is just too easy, but love takes courage.

Adieu my love. Til we meet again.


Love: We maybe God's messenger to others

Love: We maybe God's messenger to others: "Dear Love, Twinkle was right when she pointed that I am still in love with the thought of the girl I first knew. I thank her for saying som..."

We maybe God's messenger to others

Dear Love,

Twinkle was right when she pointed that I am still in love with the thought of the girl I first knew. I thank her for saying something like that. It opened my eyes more to the reality of what I have today. I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but she is different now. So am I.

The last conversation I had with Twinkle was a sort of wake up call. I don’t know why she was the one, who was able to knock some sense into my head. Most my friends and family are saying the same thing, but it was her who was able to cut the message across to me. Perhaps, it is because of the fact she is also hurting with her own love situation. God definitely finds imperfect vessels to make messengers of. She just became a God sent messenger for me.

What was weird with what Twinkled told me was that she also got the message from a friend of hers, who was in a sort of the same situation like ours. I can still remember Twinkle sharing these words to me, “You love her. And you exert all the effort to love her even if you have parted ways. But who will love you then? If she is not the same person that you used to know. Why would you chase her if she doesn’t want to be chased? And who will chase after you?” I was dumb-founded by the words twinkle shared with me. For a moment, I saw clarity and hope in what the future brings.

I just have to do the best of what today brings. I can’t let the past drag me down. The past may have been a big failure for both of us, but the future may bestow wonderful surprises if we do our best today. From now on, I will chase my dreams. I hope someday love finds my way again.

Sincerely,

Me

Love: I will miss you...

Love: I will miss you...: "Dear Love, You probably missed out that I do get hurt too. Her absence just hurts badly. I wish you take it away. I can’t explain how lost ..."

I will miss you...

Dear Love,

You probably missed out that I do get hurt too. Her absence just hurts badly. I wish you take it away. I can’t explain how lost I am. She just left a hole right through my world- a void simply too big to fill. The words of people who try to help me only seem to clutter my mind. Perhaps I am meant to endure this emptiness until I find myself again.

All the doors shut on me now. But I still thank you for everything. For once I can prove that my heart still beats. That it is capable of loving, of enduring pain… The thought of her simply eats me inside. I wish I can say I hate her, but I can’t. How can I do so when she has always been the best part of me?

I am going to miss her smile… her gentleness that always extends its warmth. The amazing way she carries herself I will forever cherish. How she kindly encourages me each time I fall… It disappoints me to know that I can never hug her with such warmth. Her gentle stare each time she is troubled consumes me… My shoulder simply lost its purpose knowing she will not be there to lean on it whenever the wears of the world has worn her out… Her sweet caress I will definitely miss… The conversations we had will soon be but memories of what used to be. Our dreams will simply be painful thoughts of the past that will hunt me. She is a love that I gained and lost. Forever I guess wasn’t long enough.

I bid the thought her adieu. Love with her simply became bittersweet. Who would have thought it will come to this? I guess I will see her again when the hands of angels brushes away all my earthly worries. See you til then my love.

Yours always in love,

The Lost Me

Love: A Story

Love: A Story: "31 days has passed. Still no rainbow in sight, I think I am losing hope. Sigh. Here is a story I would like to share. 47 days ago, I recei..."

Love: A Story

Love: A Story: "31 days has passed. Still no rainbow in sight, I think I am losing hope. Sigh. Here is a story I would like to share. 47 days ago, I recei..."

A Story

31 days has passed. Still no rainbow in sight, I think I am losing hope. Sigh.

Here is a story I would like to share.

47 days ago, I received an email from my ex-girlfriend containing the pictures of her fiancé-Aiden. There were no texts or any message in the email. It only had 4 attachments. This is probably one of the most hilarious emails I have ever received from her. How so? When my brother and I examine the attachments of the email, we can’t help but laugh in amazement. I guess my ex-girlfriend did not realize that she sent edited pictures to someone who knows how to edit them. Or at least these pictures, she forwarded me are edited by an amateur. My ex-girlfriend even named her American boyfriend Aiden, whose name was actually the title on the subject line of the email message I am pertaining to.

Now why do my brother and I find the pictures funny, because the pictures of her so-called fiancé are actually shots taken from the internet of a famous actor.  Who was the actor? It was Matt Lanter. Who is Matt Lanter? If you are familiar with the TV series “90210”, then you probably are familiar with him. He portrays the role of Liam Court in the said TV series. If you want more info on Matt Lanter, here is his mini biography that I lifted from IMDb.com: (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1782667/)

Matthew Mackendree Lanter, or better known to fans as Matt Lanter was born on April 1, 1983 in Massillon, Stark County, Ohio, to Joseph Lanter and Jana Burson. He also has a sister named Kara Day. She is a teacher at Rea View Elementary School in Waxhaw, Union County, North Carolina.

When Matt turned 8 years old, he and his family moved to Atlanta, Fulton County in Georgia. Growing up, the blue-eyed actor spent most of his time playing baseball, football and golf. His love for baseball led him to scoring a position as a bat boy with the Atlanta Braves.

In the year 2001, he graduated from Collins Hill High School. Unfortunately for him, his parents got divorced when he was a senior at Collins Hill. Matt majored in Sports Business at the University of Georgia, but eventually moved to Los Angeles to follow his dreams of being part of the showbiz industry. He attended the University of Georgia after attending a community college for two years.

He first gained the attention of fans when he was selected as a contestant in the 2004 reality television series, Manhunt. The show revolved around contestants having to compete with each other in a series of modeling events. Although he did not win the competition, Matt succeeded in making the show's top 10.

It didn't take too long before critics started noticing Matt. He started landing guest roles on 8 Simple Rules, HBO's Big Love,and Point Pleasant, as well as some modeling jobs and national commercials in the country. Matt's big break came along when he starred as Horace Calloway, the John F. Kennedy-like first son on the short lived ABC political series, Commander in Chief in 2005. However, most people do not know that he was in fact, not in the original pilot. Instead, Matt was a re-cast.

In summer 2006, Matt had the opportunity of starring in a theater production of Without Walls alongside Laurence Fishburne at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles. That same year, he managed to earn a role on Heroes. He played Brody Mitchum, opposite Hayden Panettiere's character, Claire Bennett. Being a part of Heroes proved to be a great opportunity for Matt as the show had high ratings, which allowed Matt to gain more exposure. Fortunately for Matt, his role on Heroes paid off. He managed to snag guest roles on Shark, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Grey's Anatomy and Monk.

The year 2008 proved to be one of Matt's successful years. He made his debut on the big screen as a voice actor. He portrayed Anakin Skywalker in the animated film, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, a side story that is set between Star Wars II and Star Wars III. He also managed to get a role in Disaster Movie, playing Will, who was the boyfriend of Vanessa Minnilo's character.

More recently, he has signed on to play Liam, a character who's storyline will be entangled with AnnaLynne McCord's character, Naomi. Matt is expected to make his debut in the popular teen series next February. His movie, Sorority Row, will also be released in October 2009.

Despite being busy working in the industry, Matt says that he tries to stay as humble as possible. When he's not acting, he enjoys being outdoors, playing golf and relaxing at the beach. With more acting roles coming his way, there is definitely more to expect from this Ohio native.

So if Matt Lanter and Aiden (my ex-girlfriends American fiancé) is the same person, who then is being fooled? Did my ex-girlfriend send this message to ward me of? Well if she did, I already got the message crystal clear. But if she insist that it is Aiden who is in those pictures, then I am afraid that she is being played for a fool.

Aside from laughing at the pictures she sent, I became worried for her. Why? What if she was really being fooled? The edited pictures simply bugged me. So, I created a PowerPoint presentation that points out the flaws of the pictures of her Aiden. Just when I was about to send it to her, I realize that she might think that I am still very much affected by our break-up. And then I asked myself, “What if the email was really meant to fool me?” Sending her my presentation will only make me look stupid. Thus, I decided not to send it to her. But for the interest of those who want to see my presentation, I will post it here.

Now, you will be judge whether what she sent me is hilarious or not. DECIDE.

Aiden or Matt                                                                                            

Love: Where do I now stand?

Love: Where do I now stand?: "30 days. The search within is almost over. I’m tired. I’m doing better now, but the thoughts of her still lingers. She serves like a drug- m..."

Love: Where do I now stand?

Love: Where do I now stand?: "30 days. The search within is almost over. I’m tired. I’m doing better now, but the thoughts of her still lingers. She serves like a drug- m..."

Where do I now stand?

30 days. The search within is almost over. I’m tired. I’m doing better now, but the thoughts of her still lingers. She serves like a drug- my personal high.

I have kept silent for a couple of days. I have neither written nor spent enough thought to post anything on this blog. The depression seems to permeate some more into my heart. I had to keep still. I knew this time that brooding over the lost of her would bring nothing good to me.

Now I am tired asking who was at fault in our relationship. Ever since I have surrendered everything about our relationship to God, I have tried to forgive and forget her. But I don’t know why she is still here in my world. I am done over analyzing how we could have saved what we had... or how our love could have still persisted. I have stopped questioning who were the people I shared her with. Who were the other spare tires? I have given-up on wanting her to reveal all the lies she threw my way. I have even resigned from wanting to see her even from a far just for one last time. I refrained from being perplexed with how she managed to say I love you to me, and then say I love you to another lover. I simply stopped convincing myself that her feelings for me were true. Even if I have asked God for the will to turn away from my feelings for her, the memories of her become harder to bear no matter how much I have tried to forget her. Now that my self-evaluation is almost over, I can’t understand why she remains here in my heart. Thus, I ask, “Will I ever come to forget her? Or will she be in my heart until I die?”

Maybe?! Only God knows what will happen next.

I believe love will continue to be an illusion having shared her with someone else from the start. For life, I will keep this burden of knowing that only one has stood well enough to fight for what we had until the very end.  Passion seemed to have not existed at all since her heart and mind longed for someone else, even while we were making love.

So I pray that her memory fades inside me like an ancient language carved in stone, forgotten by time and which only I can understand. She was just a dream that a foolish man like me has cherished. Like a sculpture carved by a masters skilful hand, her name will remain etched in the cold, barren, empty and broken walls of my suffering soul. Her heart now belongs to another man.

Where do I now stand? Lost can’t even properly describe how I feel. I guess love simply took the best of me. But I never regret giving it my all. For I have decided from the start to love her with all I have.