This blog came to life out of my frustration for a love I gained and lost. It reflects the things I have gone through so far. The emotions I felt are also expressed in words here, be it good or bad. It also aims to give sense to all the things that has transpired in my life for the past few months.
I hope no one will be offended by some of the situations I describe in my post. In line with this, I do not aim to character assassinate anyone I describe on any of my post. I simply try my best to present what I see and feel.
I am deeply bothered by the acts of this man- Anders Behring Breivik. Gone are the days of the crusades when killing an infidel is just and holy. In his case, he killed 93 innocent people. Regardless of their religion and beliefs, they should have been left in peace. Breivik should have considered that a life lived in peace is a much noble life and a life worth living. I am catholic, but I condemn the act of this man. If we have time, please let us all mourn and pray for the victims of this atrocious act.
Please read through the Yahoo article.http://news.yahoo.com/norway-s
It’s over. The search within has reached the end of the road. For today my life heads on to a new direction. If it be a road less travelled, no one knows for sure. The need to move on and stand up is in my midst. I just needed to pick myself up. Unfortunately, in any break-ups there are no winners- just losers. Like I once said, we are all victims of our lies, indecision, fickle-mindedness... But I move on still.
When the doors in our life shut, we fail to see that it is an opportunity to keep silent and heal our selves. Because in the middle of such melancholic solitude, we may start to recognize that there are windows of opportunities opening before our eyes. We just are too blinded to see them that is why we don’t recognize.
In our selfishness, we get devoured by our anger. Making us, unnecessarily agitated by our wanting to retaliate that brings no peace within. I wouldn’t want to change the things that have happened for the past 4 months. They were meant to transpire for a reason. I learnt a lot of things in the process. It has shown the type of person my ex-girlfriend is. I discovered that I can be very furious when agitated. A side I haven’t really seen much, which I don’t want to further discover. I also saw how my usually care-free, calm self be so consumed by anger. These are things I am now trying better to control.
We all wish we can weather all the storms that pass our lives, but are we really asking for the right thing by just wishing for our trials to pass. Maybe we fail to ask God to teach us to dance in the rain? So we can still smile in the midst of our trials. My ex-girlfriend and I failed to learn to dance in the rain. We were reduced to being enemies in the end. A sad ending only time can mend.
In this blog, I have spoken about love, pain, sorrow, suffering and so on, but I haven’t really focused much on forgiveness. So now I take this chance to say, “I am sorry!” I know she will not accept it. I have prayed for her for the past days. I have asked God for forgiveness, but only life’s lessons I believe will teach my ex-girlfriend to forgive. Thus, I apologize to all women who may have been hurt by other men in the process of their relationships. Hate is just too easy, but love takes courage.
Adieu my love. Til we meet again.
Twinkle was right when she pointed that I am still in love with the thought of the girl I first knew. I thank her for saying something like that. It opened my eyes more to the reality of what I have today. I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but she is different now. So am I.
The last conversation I had with Twinkle was a sort of wake up call. I don’t know why she was the one, who was able to knock some sense into my head. Most my friends and family are saying the same thing, but it was her who was able to cut the message across to me. Perhaps, it is because of the fact she is also hurting with her own love situation. God definitely finds imperfect vessels to make messengers of. She just became a God sent messenger for me.
What was weird with what Twinkled told me was that she also got the message from a friend of hers, who was in a sort of the same situation like ours. I can still remember Twinkle sharing these words to me, “You love her. And you exert all the effort to love her even if you have parted ways. But who will love you then? If she is not the same person that you used to know. Why would you chase her if she doesn’t want to be chased? And who will chase after you?” I was dumb-founded by the words twinkle shared with me. For a moment, I saw clarity and hope in what the future brings.
I just have to do the best of what today brings. I can’t let the past drag me down. The past may have been a big failure for both of us, but the future may bestow wonderful surprises if we do our best today. From now on, I will chase my dreams. I hope someday love finds my way again.