The sixteenth day of looking into my life...
I have been watching a couple films lately as a means to get by my day. Until a couple of days ago, I came across this movie that knocked sense into my head. The title of the movie is SuckerPunch.
SuckerPunch wasn’t really much of box-office hit if you were to ask me. Its special effects were a bit mediocre. The storyline was unique, but can be confusing. But what was good about it came with its message. The last few lines of the movie conveyed the message clearly, which struck me most. It was something worth looking into.
"And finally this question...
The mystery of whose story it would be...
Who draws the curtain?
Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance?
Who drives us mad lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible?
Who is it... that tells all these things?
Who honors those we love for the very life we live?
Who sends monsters to kill us and at the same time things that will never die?
Who teaches us what is real?
And how to laugh at lies?
Who decides why we live and what will die to defend?
Who chains us?
And who holds the key that will set us free?
It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight.
(SuckerPunch)
Even though the movie was surreal, these last few lines gave much meaning to me. And even if the events that transpired in the movie can only happen in our subconscious, the significance of its message pierces the heart as it did mine.
Deep into my heart, it has now sank.
Most of the things that have gone wrong for the past year are caused by my own doing. I should have placed some premium in improving myself during the time I spent with her. I should paid attention to the signs. She moved out of my life, because of her dissatisfaction with me. She did not like most of what I am capable of and my decisions, which amounted to my nothingness and emptiness. I should have loved myself more. We can never give what we don't have. Remember. I was already lacking love for myself. This brings to mind something my friend told me. She exclaimed that I should have learned to love myself a little more.
To find the things that make me happy is now my main goal. To explore the boundaries of the things I am capable of doing. I dare now to dance like no one is watching. To laugh like no one hears. With boldness, I now face the future. I am facing it with much more courage than ever before. Unfazed. Stout. Free. I now stand. Because like the narrative I quoted above, you are the key to your own happiness.
I choose to live with love freely for I am my own key. And someday that one thing I so long for will be there right before my eyes without me noticing. It will be the love that will blanket me with love, gentleness, kindness and affection. Love will find us in time. It will find and save me.
FOR I HAVE DECIDED.
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