The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I enjoyed every bit of it. Although I was afraid to get sick when I got soaked, the rain that touched my face was freedom. It was you. I pray that you are now happy and free.
No matter how mad you are with me right now. I know part of your heart seeks peace for me as I always do for you. No matter how much pain I have already suffered, I still cherish every memory of you. The rain that fills the puddles of mud in our yard represents the emotions I feel for you nowadays. It comes and goes. I have let gone of you I know, but never the thought of loving you. It will be my most prized possession. It will my beacon of hope. A lighthouse that may lead me back to you or the next girl I will love for a lifetime.
I failed you in a lot of ways. Forgive for the lies and the shortcomings. Most of all, I failed to take care of you. I probably choked you with my obsession. For that, I am very sorry.
When the world is afraid to show their true colors, I bare my heart in search and in wait of love. I have started praying weeks ago, but I am taking it seriously now. I believe one of the reasons we parted ways is due to the fact that I failed to allow God to come in between us.
I can still remember when we broke up, which was quite informal. You asked me, after you said that you don't love me anymore, "Why I would not let go and let you be happy somebody else?" It was one of the most difficult questions I have ever encountered. At that instant, I wanted to tell you that I can love you more. But now I realize that my answer reflected my obsession and selfishness. If you ask me this now, I will tell you that I have learned to let go.
I have let gone of the one thing I cherish most, especially at this time of trial for me. I now believe that in order to truly learn to love- one must understand and learn the pain of sorrow. Never let go of the balance. Jesus was the greatest example of this kind of love. He loved even his enemies in pain. A love that even my parents, brothers, family and friends do not understand. Maybe even I don't understand it? I say this because all of them tell to forget her, but I won't. I will hold on to the thought of you until I die. I don't want to waste my life waiting, but I keep her in my heart because what I felt was real. She is now my guide.
I hope the rain pours again today, because with comes the pain. I am not brooding on the lost of you anymore. I just want to be with you even if it is within the pain that the rain brings. I hope the wind whispers my name for your heart to hear.
This is now the second day of my search for enlightenment. The continuation of the vow I took yesterday. I still love you!
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