"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." This is a passage from the book entitled the Alchemist, written by Paolo Coelho.
One of the things that make love exciting is that there are no exact reasons to how it persist or even come into being. Like one of my favourite authors exact in the passage I quoted above, there are no reasons to loving. It exists because it exists.
The biggest mistake I have made in loving my ex-girlfriend is that I named a few reasons why I needed and loved her. Being family oriented was one of the reasons I named when we were still together. Never did I realize that in love, all the subtle reasons we have in our hearts for pursuing any relationship naturally happens without us recognizing. Because in love, especially when we involve God in it, all good things dwell.
When we love with reason, it is as if we love people for one sole purpose. So when we fail to achieve it, we suddenly fall out of love and get disillusioned.
After one of our biggest fights, I can recall when I asked her, “Why does it seem that you are always ready to leave me whenever we fight?” I believe now she felt love for me that was based on reasoning. She had a love dedicated for me that was based on pity. I feel that she didn’t really learn to love me, but I know I can’t be the judge of what she felt. All I know is she did confirm with one of our common friend that she only learned to love me. She did not really like from the start of our relationship. How can love bloom in a field of reasons? Why would we let matters of the heart be tendered by the mind? And yet she did.
Thus, anyone who says they love you IF you can give your entirety to them does not really love you, because love is not self-seeking. How can someone give his/ her entirety when this love I speak of is meant to be shared amongst family, friends and even enemies. A person’s entirety only belongs to one supreme being- God. Whoever tells you that they love you BUT you have to surrender everything to them; is also mistaken about their notion of love. For love is not selfish. How can selfishness be called love? Why would you surrender everything to someone when you should never be considered like property? No one is anybody’s property. You owe no one anything, except God. Also, whoever exclaims they love you BECAUSE you are beautiful are in the wrong. For their notion of love is diminished by their own foolish ideals. How can they love when all they see is outward appearance? They must be in lust. Any reasons for love lead by an IF, a BUT and a BECAUSE are not really good foundations for loving. But when one says that he/ she loves you, despite of everything that you may have been... who you are... and who you will be; then that I will call love. When one loves everything about some for no explainable reason, when one accepts a person’s entirety despite of and when one seeks not to change the person they love, that is love in its purest and simplest form.
I wish we can all learn to love despite of our loved ones past, but I guess the beauty of life lies in the variation of our views towards love. As a final note, the beauty of this love I talk about still lies in the choice we make. Still you decide how you would love, but also learn to bear its consequences. Again, YOU DECIDE.
This is now the 12th day of my search. I am getting better in coping up with my situation and in healing myself even if I still feel something for my ex-girlfriend. Thank you God!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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