Love: LETTING GO IS GROWING UP.

Love: LETTING GO IS GROWING UP.: "This is the fifth day of my search in. I am learning a lot. It is like finding myself all over again. Enjoying the ideas and thoughts I once..."

LETTING GO IS GROWING UP.

This is the fifth day of my search in. I am learning a lot. It is like finding myself all over again. Enjoying the ideas and thoughts I once lost and now found is bliss. 

"Letting go is growing up." This is the main point of the article my friend sent me. I have to be fair in approaching this point as much as possible. But since life is not fair, most probably I will be concentrating on trying to refute some of the unknown author's claim. Just kidding! 

Before I continue with my thoughts, I would like to say that writing here has been such a good experience. The challenge that each new comment confronts me with is more than an eye opener. To all that reads my post, to all who find me stupid and hopeless, to all who find my thoughts romantic and to both followers and detractors alike, I thank you all for at least reading my thoughts.

Note: To all who are afraid to be confronted with new ideas, good luck with your uncontested life...

The weather has been specially conducive for sleeping here in the Philippines. The rains is not stopping for almost two days now. The national weather bureau says that rain is just caused by a low pressure area and that there is no storm. But if you were here and you would here the wind howling, you would probably question the weather itself and those who predict it.

My friend emailed me again to day giving me a prose from an unknown author, which in general told me to GROW UP by letting go. Quite comforting right, but I smiled as I read it. Opposition for me is not much of an issue. It is a way by which life teaches to look at things in a different perspective, so I welcome messages such as this. I also grow fond of people who take time to rebut my statements, because that means the purpose of my blog is well met. Like I always tell my friends, whenever I share my story, you should also listen to the point of view of the person regarding any issue or situation I am involved in. Knowing you are right doesn't mean you are right. It is just your perception. This started me thinking that maybe I am approaching my concerns in an incorrect manner. 

When I said I have let gone, I meant I have unloaded myself with the bad memories and hurt that I feel. But how can you just forget all the things you shared with that special someone. I remember my brother's girlfriend telling me, "you should dwell on the things that make you hate her instead on the good things you shared to allow you to let go quickly..." These thoughts perplexes me a whole lot. They are like hieroglyphics to me waiting to be deciphered. Why do I feel like this? Because to do this means wasting 11 months of my life with out trying to discern what i can get from it. Or maybe I am just over-analyzing all the things around? Maybe I should just take the words of the people who care for me plainly?

On the other hand, I appreciate what my new found friend told me. To count my blessings. Now I have been doing just that. But while I let go and count blessings, I firmly ask God for my ex's safety, happiness and peace of mind as well as mine.

When I reviewed the whole passage of the unknown author, I felt like this person worked the details of his thoughts in his own comfort zone. To me, he was a person who is not willing to go to the extremes for love. I recall one of my beloved psychology professors, he once said that there are different of classifying people in the perspective of living. But there are two general categories to group them into: 1) there are those who live cloistered lives and not move out of their comfort zones, i.e. this type of individual would most likely tell you when you love someone always reserve something for yourself; and 2) there are those who will push things to the extreme, i.e. this type of individual would most likely move out of the convention of loving to understand what love is. Personally, I have always chosen the latter to love extremely. I guess it is due to my adventurous nature. Like what I said in previous posts I wrote, there is a danger in judging someone based on one's own view point since you are two different individuals. This is one of those differences I am talking about.

Now some may say that, to reserve something for yourself when it comes to loving allows you to bounce back easily if the relationship fails. They might even ask, "how can you give something you don't have for yourself since you given all of the love you have" Sounds logical right. But why do you pray and ask for grace from God? Isn't it that you are trying to tap in to his eternal and ever lasting source of love? Because knowing that God loves you allows you to ask fervently for your needs even, at times, your whims.

Let us take note, I don't ask much. I am only asking for 4 things. 1) I ask for both my ex and I to find happiness; 2) I ask that we both find peace of mind; 3) I ask that God keeps her safe from harm all the time; and 4) If God permits, in case she is in trouble, that I maybe able to rescue her.

Believe me I have let gone of the impact of all the bad things. Yesterday, I was seriously laughing by myself while I was thinking of random things. It was a laugh I have never felt for a long time. It's just that behind all these things I am discovering I still know that I love her. If growing up would entail letting go even of the good lessons and experiences I gained through my ex, then I might be forever young.

Remember love is a choice just like life. By what you decide to do with each day defines you as a person. I love her still.

Love: Pain. Suffering. Happiness.

Love: Pain. Suffering. Happiness.: "'Pain is inevitable. Suffering is an option. Happiness is a choice.' This was what one of my acquaintances told me yesterday. She gave me he..."

Pain. Suffering. Happiness.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is an option. Happiness is a choice." This was what one of my acquaintances told me yesterday. She gave me her two cents in this matter I am dealing with. I know she was right. We even chatted in Facebook about this, but I think my stubbornness turned her off. She even exclaimed, as a reaction to one of my earlier post, "a lover can be replaced, but your friends and family are always there for you." She said this in our local dialect, which was heart warming and an eye opener. Indeed, I may be wrong to say that my family and friends doesn't understand me. Of-course, it is only logical that  any person will get irritated by another persons bickering even if he/she loved him/her. I guess this is reason why my family and friends are not listening anymore. That is why I have silently and solemnly turned to God. 

This is now the fourth day of my search in. It is not an easy task. I realize how easy I get tempted to react harshly in any situations. I now wonder if the people around are having a hard time dealing with me. I need to pick up my act. I know I can be true to myself without hurting others' feelings. Lustful thoughts do also come by may head to tempt me. I also have to overcome my smoking habit. All this needs to be left behind as my extra baggage.

I pray now that Apple is doing great. I asked God and will continue to ask Him for the past few days and for the days to come to grant her happiness and peace of mind. Let it be my gift to her made through God's grace. I have been honest to myself ever since I started this blog. So I exclaim the fact that I still love her, but I know God acknowledges that fact that I have surrendered everything to Him. The foolish me, at times, still wait for text and email messages coming from her. My anger a few weeks ago may have lead me to hurt her emotionally, but I have asked God constantly for forgiveness and peace within myself. Also, I simply ask for her safety. Recently, I have also added in my prayers that if my last duty towards her is to safely lead her to her true love- then I gladly accept the task. Because if in helping her find true love and spend a lifetime of happiness with it, I can atone for my sins then I gladly bare this cross.

Just like what my friend said, "Pain is inevitable." Like Jesus, even if He knew He was to suffer he trudged on to offer his life. I am not Jesus nor am I pretending to be. I not worthy to even blow the dust of his feet. But I will not run-away from the pain. He made me stronger to endure, so that I may change myself for the better. 

"Suffering is an option." We chose the way we deal with our emotions. There are no hard and fast rules to loving. Love is not a fair game, because life itself is not. Who would dare tell me that Jesus' death is fair? We all owe him our lives. I failed to mention in my earlier posts that any decision becomes a wrong one if you can't live by it and if it hurts others. My vow is my decision. the way I see it I am neither hurting my ex-girlfriend nor myself. I move on in my own way. I just can't turn my back on the good lessons I gained and her love which she imparted with me. Behind all the lies, she was also a good person to me. Everyone deserves several second chances. Remember the quality of mercy you give is the quality of mercy you take.

I know I am judged for my thoughts, but that is the beauty of it. By disagreeing with my thoughts and reacting to it by sending me messages, I am avail to see a different view of the situation. Anyone afraid of opposition and conflict should best restrain their opinions and beliefs. Although it is important to know that one cannot simply judge another persons decision and actions through one's own experience, because both of you are different individuals. 

But going along with my acquaintances thought process, I appreciate the part of the quote that she shared which says, "Happiness is a choice." Amen to that. I agree with her on this fact. My happiness lies in knowing that my ex-girlfriend has finally found her true love, because what I shared her for me was true. I don't brood anymore on the fact that I lost her. I don't want vengeance or anything drastic to happen to her. I just pray for her happiness, safety and peace of mind. Why do I do this? Because through her eyes, I saw joy that became my heaven. I saw God in her even with all her flaws. 

So if my choice is wrong, please ask yourself what would you do if you were in my shoes. And before you even make that choice, ask your self this - "What would Jesus do if He were in this situation?" Do you think He would turn His back... His answer is my choice. Thus, I won't avoid the pain. I will reflect on God's suffering and pray for my ex-girlfriend. For in the end, my happiness is my choice. I still love her... Thank you God for everything!

Love: When it rains it pours

Love: When it rains it pours: "The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I..."

Love: When it rains it pours

Love: When it rains it pours: "The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I..."

When it rains it pours

The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I enjoyed every bit of it. Although I was afraid to get sick when I got soaked, the rain that touched my face was freedom. It was you. I pray that you are now happy and free.

No matter how mad you are with me right now. I know part of your heart seeks peace for me as I always do for you. No matter how much pain I have already suffered, I still cherish every memory of you. The rain that fills the puddles of mud in our yard represents the emotions I feel for you nowadays. It comes and goes. I have let gone of you I know, but never the thought of loving you. It will be my most prized possession. It will my beacon of hope. A lighthouse that may lead me back to you or the next girl I will love for a lifetime. 

I failed you in a lot of ways. Forgive for the lies and the shortcomings. Most of all, I failed to take care of you. I probably choked you with my obsession. For that, I am very sorry.

When the world is afraid to show their true colors, I bare my heart in search and in wait of love. I have started praying weeks ago, but I am taking it seriously now. I believe one of the reasons we parted ways is due to the fact that I failed to allow God to come in between us.

I can still remember when we broke up, which was quite informal. You asked me, after you said that you don't love me anymore, "Why I would not let go and let you be happy somebody else?" It was one of the most difficult questions I have ever encountered. At that instant, I wanted to tell you that I can love you more. But now I realize that my answer reflected my obsession and selfishness. If you ask me this now, I will tell you that I have learned to let go. 

I have let gone of the one thing I cherish most, especially at this time of trial for me. I now believe that in order to truly learn to love- one must understand and learn the pain of sorrow. Never let go of the balance. Jesus was the greatest example of this kind of love. He loved even his enemies in pain. A love that even my parents, brothers, family and friends do not understand. Maybe even I don't understand it? I say this because all of them tell to forget her, but I won't. I will hold on to the thought of you until I die. I don't want to waste my life waiting, but I keep her in my heart because what I felt was real. She is now my guide.

I hope the rain pours again today, because with comes the pain. I am not brooding on the lost of you anymore. I just want to be with you even if it is within the pain that the rain brings. I hope the wind whispers my name for your heart to hear.

This is now the second day of my search for enlightenment. The continuation of the vow I took yesterday. I still love you!