Love: When it rains it pours

Love: When it rains it pours: "The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I..."

When it rains it pours

The heavens poured much of its tears yesterday hear in our place. The rain reminded me of you. When most of the people around me hated it, I enjoyed every bit of it. Although I was afraid to get sick when I got soaked, the rain that touched my face was freedom. It was you. I pray that you are now happy and free.

No matter how mad you are with me right now. I know part of your heart seeks peace for me as I always do for you. No matter how much pain I have already suffered, I still cherish every memory of you. The rain that fills the puddles of mud in our yard represents the emotions I feel for you nowadays. It comes and goes. I have let gone of you I know, but never the thought of loving you. It will be my most prized possession. It will my beacon of hope. A lighthouse that may lead me back to you or the next girl I will love for a lifetime. 

I failed you in a lot of ways. Forgive for the lies and the shortcomings. Most of all, I failed to take care of you. I probably choked you with my obsession. For that, I am very sorry.

When the world is afraid to show their true colors, I bare my heart in search and in wait of love. I have started praying weeks ago, but I am taking it seriously now. I believe one of the reasons we parted ways is due to the fact that I failed to allow God to come in between us.

I can still remember when we broke up, which was quite informal. You asked me, after you said that you don't love me anymore, "Why I would not let go and let you be happy somebody else?" It was one of the most difficult questions I have ever encountered. At that instant, I wanted to tell you that I can love you more. But now I realize that my answer reflected my obsession and selfishness. If you ask me this now, I will tell you that I have learned to let go. 

I have let gone of the one thing I cherish most, especially at this time of trial for me. I now believe that in order to truly learn to love- one must understand and learn the pain of sorrow. Never let go of the balance. Jesus was the greatest example of this kind of love. He loved even his enemies in pain. A love that even my parents, brothers, family and friends do not understand. Maybe even I don't understand it? I say this because all of them tell to forget her, but I won't. I will hold on to the thought of you until I die. I don't want to waste my life waiting, but I keep her in my heart because what I felt was real. She is now my guide.

I hope the rain pours again today, because with comes the pain. I am not brooding on the lost of you anymore. I just want to be with you even if it is within the pain that the rain brings. I hope the wind whispers my name for your heart to hear.

This is now the second day of my search for enlightenment. The continuation of the vow I took yesterday. I still love you!

Love: Standing up and searching from within

Love: Standing up and searching from within: "Standing up from this slump I am stuck in is indeed proving to be very difficult. There are days when I wake up still thinking of her. Days ..."

Standing up and searching from within

Standing up from this slump I am stuck in is indeed proving to be very difficult. There are days when I wake up still thinking of her. Days pass when I feel nothing but intense hatred for her. A pool of mix emotions surface in random in each day that pass. But what makes me feel even worse, I still unintentionally wait for text messages from her. This makes me feel really sorry for myself.

I have been through several heart breaks, but what I had with Arianne one leaves a lasting impression. I have always believed that the people we fall in and out of love with leaves a mark in our hearts that will be there for a lifetime. She definitely left the biggest mark in my heart by far. How do I know? I still miss her. I love her still despite all the lies she threw my way. I can't explain why, but it just is. I guess Paulo Coelho is right, when he said, "One is loved because one is loved. There are no exact reasons to loving."

Thus, I write my thoughts and feelings in this blog to help ease my pain. The words I use are never meant to attack her, because I still love her. I guess part of me is still hoping to be with her.

SO, I HAVE DECIDED to take a 40-day pause from my normal routine to search within myself. This blog will be my very witness. Remember Jesus was tempted for 40 days by the Devil in the desert where He sought refuge for some time. I just wish to turn my life around by starting with the man I see in front of my mirror.

Love: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Love: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow: "Yesterday, I had a good idea rouse my mind. It made me start blogging instead of brooding on the fact that I was left by my girlfriend. I to..."

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Yesterday, I had a good idea rouse my mind. It made me start blogging instead of brooding on the fact that I was left by my girlfriend. I told myself yesterday, after 16 days of surviving a break up, that I have to learn to embrace the truth and reality. And finally, move on. I had to learn to forgive her and myself. I really need to move on. Thus, I will continue to write and finish my project until the wound inside my heart that causes me pain finally heals. This blog I started is not about hate. It is about the realities I went through and how I coped with them. Today, I will journey on my own to rediscover what I love doing- all the things I am passionate about. I will reinvent myself. Her legacy in me will never be a failure. Regardless if we ever meet again in this life or the next, I will make those who loves and loved me proud. I guess tomorrow will be another day, but I stand tall knowing that I am learning to move on. I love her still that will always be a fact, but I am now learning to love myself more.

Love: A broken heart

Love: A broken heart: "It isn't easy to have your heart broken, especially if the one who broke it is a person you loved most. To go through the places where your ..."